Herban Sprawl

Here in Chi-town, specifically in Lincoln Park, the buzz is about the upcoming wedding. Indeed the date hasn’t been set and the immediate concern is the melding of two households, the resettlement of the two cats from a previous tenant, and so on. Nevertheless, there are the ubiquitous wedding magazines, and since I love to look at pictures, I browsed.

Weddings have come a long way in terms of complications. However, I think it’s a matter of what the two people involved want, and I certainly cannot use myself as an example of bridezilla, or any of the other variations on that theme. I really didn’t give a rip about the whole thing. Our minister told me that if we didn’t have a regular wedding my father would never accept that it had happened and was legitimate. Furthermore, he advised me to have him walk me down the aisle because “he will need that to make it official.” I caved because he was right.
Back in the day, it was hard to find a wedding gown suitable for a 35 year-old bride. Nowadays, the magazines are crammed with elegant wedding gowns. Indeed some of them are as ridiculous as the big ball of fluff Carrie Bradshaw wore to her thwarted wedding, but some are quite lovely. The pricetags are unbelievable, too!

One of the magazines had an interview with a wedding planner for celebrities. She opined that black bridesmaid dresses are back en vogue again. Ugh. Yeah, you read the utter disgust in that three letter word correctly. I was in a hotel when the bride and her entourage of pretty maids all in a row, coupled with their groomsmen were lined up, ready to march into the reception hall. They looked like two rows of penguins. It wasn’t a pretty, festive look, either - more like a funeral in black tie. My niece was a sport and compromised, using navy blue. In daylight, they looked nice, and the bouquets she chose set them off effectively. In the dark reception hall, they were, for all intents and purposes, black.

The other interesting thing I have noticed is the return of favors. We aren’t talking little tokens, either. We are talking about gift bags for the out-of-town guests (aren’t they all?), little boxes of pricey gifts and so on. It amazes me.

So this raises the question for the auld aunt, is all this really necessary for a beautiful and meaningful wedding?

I guess it depends on your point of view. If you are a woman who wants to be a fairy princess right out of a Walt Disney movie, yes. If you feel like you have to throw a society page wedding, yes. If you just want to get married and get on with it, no.

If you fall into the last category, there are still a lot of pressure points where the prospective bride and groom will get the raised eyebrow look. But the main thing is, make sure the reasons are good enough. Don’t be pressured into spending thousands of dollars on details that don’t mean anything to you. A quick look at an older volume of Emily Post or Amy Vanderbilt will give any bride the basics, will keep her well within the boundaries of good taste and allow her the latitude to plan a beautiful wedding. Notice, I don’t use the word event.

That’s another pet peeve of mine. A wedding is a sacred ceremony between two people. It is NOT an event. An event is a party to shake big checks out of prospective donors for a non-profit. In spite of the more mercenary aspect of weddings, the two are not the same. The distinction is fine, to be sure, but it exists.

The other trend is the inclusion in the invitation of the gift information. Miss Manners writes about this constantly. No, no, and no. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Please, Brides, listen to Miss Manners. There are certain rules of deportment that will never change, and that is one of them, no matter what a wedding planner will blithely tell you. Don’t come off looking like a grabby little brat instead of a woman about to make a lifetime commitment to the guy of her dreams. Leave it to your relatives to politely and discreetly spread the word as to where you have registered. Believe me, it will get around - and, remember, just because it isn’t on your list doesn’t mean it’s not an acceptable gift.

Maybe it’s because of my age, but when I got married, the big splurge was for engraved invitations and a bodacious hat that got me out of wearing a stupid veil. (I think they are ridiculous, but they definitely are a tradition that has stood the test of time.) Beyond that, it was pretty simple. I didn’t even micromanage the bridesmaid dresses - I left it to the two who’d be wearing them, including the color. My only requirement was that they match so they’d look nice in pictures.

This should go a long way in explaining my bemusement at all the hoopla of the current trend of weddings. If it wasn’t such a big money-making industry, I guess I’d be wondering when the trend will swing back to simple and to the point. As long as Vera Wang is designing beautiful gowns, the answer is never!