Herban Sprawl

I was in The Fresh Market, procuring provisions for supper. Not having gotten beyond “I think I’ll put a couple of pieces of salmon on the grill,” I began meandering around the produce section. It’s easily my favorite part of the store. After some delectables, like locally grown peaches, it was time to get down to business.

There was some sweet corn in packages. Normally, I walk right by that, but next to it were ears in the husks. Yeah! I was all set to pick out half a dozen ears when it hit me where I was. This is white corn territory. This is where people don’t know from corn. This is where Silver Queen corn rules with an iron cob. I pulled aside enough husk to verify that my worst fears had been realized. I settled for four trimmed ears in a package. Yellow. The way it’s supposed to be.

We’d just had corn in Chicago, and it was okay, but my body clock for corn says it’s too early. August is corn month. Big Kitty was assigned the task of cleaning the ears in #1 Niece’s fancy new kitchen and I started to help. It was an abysmal situation. I couldn’t dehair the ears worth spit. It drove me crazy because I’m really good at this sort of thing.

This afternoon, while I removed the last of the shucks from the skimpy trimmed corn, I began to reflect on why I can put hairless corn into the pot when I’m at home. Here are the secrets.

First, no water. You can clean an ear of corn much better if it and your hands are dry. Second, always make sure you’ve grown a good thumbnail on your dominant hand. It’s an indispensible tool for gently teasing tiny fragments of cornsilk out from between two snug kernels. Third, do this over a bag that you can take straight to the trash bin. Finally, take your time. The ears must be treated with care, and you can’t just manhandle the things. If the kernels are out of alignment, the silk is especially difficult to remove, so you have to be patient and gently slide your thumbnail between the kernels to invite the silk to stick out enough to nab.

If you persist in eating that tasteless white stuff, I don’t happen to care how you treat your corn. However, a fat, juicy ear of sugar sweet yellow corn is manna from the goddesses. Believe me. I grew up near the DelMonte corn processing plant. The nearby farmers grew corn just for them, and it was the best corn in the world. Large ears with tiny cobs, huge kernels and tender as a first kiss – oh, baby. Size does count!