Herban Sprawl

Call it OCD, call it perfectionism, call it anal retention, call it whatever you like - the truth is when Big Kitty and I decide to invite people over for something a little bit out of the ordinary, the entire household is thrown into battle mode. In this case, it’s the annual Mardi Gras dinner party that we haven’t given in several years. However, we realized we missed doing it (we missed ME doing it is more like it!), so we cranked it up.

Days 6,5 and 4 were spent in behind the scenes cleaning and preparation. We’re talking polishing the silver, finding the best dessert bowls, digging out the “cooterments” and generally clearing out and clearing off surfaces that haven’t seen the light of day in far too long.

Case in point is a cute little tea cart. It used to serve as a t.v. stand, but then it became the catch-all for my paper accumulata. The only person better at accumulating paper is my long time best guy friend, but his excuse is that he’s a busy lawyer and single dad. Stuff just piles up. When he moved out of the building that had housed the family firm for a century or so, I went to help him pack. What I did was plunk a load of paper on his belly, hold open a trash bag and order him to cull.

I had to do the same for myself in my awfiss. For the building managers of the schools where I taught, it’s hard to believe that my awfiss is so named because it is so awful. For the lady who policed our offices in the Jefferson Center, it was an impossibility. When the staff was just down to Steven and me, and he was mostly out of town, I went at our workroom with a vengeance. The irony of my horrid awfiss at home was not lost on me.

But I needed that little cart for the event, so I fired up the shredder, emptied the recycle box and got a fresh trash bag. From there it was “Grandma Kate’s refrigerator.” This is family code for a bulging refrigerator, packed from front to back and top to bottom with no room for even a raisin. Not a box of raisins. A raisin. My sister and Cousin Mopstick can bear witness to this. My sister and I are prone to this, but she’s married to a clutter controller and I’m married to a clutter creator. Her case of GKR gets dealt with on a very regular basis. Mine has to have a disaster before I break down and deal with it. Well, either that or decide to throw a dinner party and need to make space. Or get word that BubbaChet is coming for a visit. Lordy, I would NOT want BubbaChet to see that kind of mess! No, no, no!

But with any of these enterprises, as others will likely attest, there also arise the inevitable “and then and then” projects. E.g. I needed space in my fridge, and then I had to make space in my big freezer for all the stuff I needed to remove from the refrigerator freezer. And then I couldn’t get to the big freezer because the store room had gotten out of control, so I had to clean that up. And then all that junk I removed from the kitchen drawers when I did a fall housecleaning got knocked over, so I had to find a box to park it in until I was sure it should go to the Goodwill. And then when I finally was able to open the big freezer, I realized it was way too full because of all the bags of minimuffins left over from an AAUW event, so I had to rearrange those. And then I could finally clean out the refrigerator freezer because there was room for the overflow. And then I saw that the dust bunnies had really multiplied and were making more dust bunny babies right before my very eyes, so I had to find the broom and sweep up. See what I mean?

Meanwhile, Maffa and I went over the menu and the choreography for serving this extravaganza. Maffa is just as OCD as I am, and she has exquisite taste, but an instinctive sense of how to merge tacky and elegant into something really nifty. She has been assigned the task of Head Stylist. We decided to deal with a centerpiece when she gets here and sees the Mardi Gras cooterments that have been gathered.

The House Goddess will come the day before for a last minute touch-up because she will die before she allows anyone into this house unless it’s been given her seal of approval. (Don’t ever argue with The House Goddess.)

So, today is Day 3 in the countdown and I need to clear the guestroom so Maffa has a place to lay her weary head, and go out for the first round of grocery shopping. Scottie and Keith at The Fresh Market are already excited about this. I placed my fish and seafood order last week, and they had plenty to say about what I am making.

Meanwhile, the guests have already been discussing the event over coffee. I really hope it lives up to their expectations! Keep them there prayers a-comin’!