Herban Sprawl

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you’re getting fat and maybe it’s been raining too long, you’re just sad that’s all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you’re afraid and you don’t know what you’re afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
Paul Varjak: Sure.
Holly Golightly: Well, when I get it the only thing that does any good is to jump in a cab and go to Tiffany’s. Calms me down right away. The quietness and the proud look of it; nothing very bad could happen to you there. If I could find a real-life place that’d make me feel like Tiffany’s, then - then I’d buy some furniture and give the cat a name!

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The mean reds. Been fighting them for the past few days. Holly Golightly had it right when she said it’s good to go to a place where you feel like nothing bad can happen to you. For Holly it was Tiffany’s. I have a place like that, but it’s too far away for a quick fix.

Feeling unsettled is difficult and it’s like a leak that wears away an integral support. There is that persistent drip, drip, drip that makes you crazy, and suddenly, when the floor caves in, you realize that drip had damaged the joists and now there is nothing you can do about it that won’t be costly or utterly complicated and frustrating.

Today I engaged in some really serious retail therapy. Unfortunately, due to the issues surrounding middle aged spread, it was long overdue and completely necessary. I should feel better, right? I have one more thing I don’t have to worry about (what to wear), but did it chase the mean reds? Nope. Talbots to me isn’t like Tiffany’s to Holly.

There are inexplicable things in life that happen, and when they do, normally we learn to live with them and go on. When they affect people we love, we offer help and do what we can to alleviate the bad stuff. Sometimes the mean reds set in because somewhere in the world, someone we love is suffering or in pain. We feel this kind of fear, we move along and wonder when it will revealed…when will we learn what is going on that has caused those miserable mean reds?

I have a friend who is ‘talking to grief’ and trying to keep her perspective in a gut-wrenching situation. I have an elder who is becoming very fragile and I am hoping he will hold out until September when I can see him again. Just one more ‘I love you” and one more hug and maybe I can let go. There is another elder who is frail and doesn’t really know what’s going on. I can’t wish away the loss. And yet another elder who is cutting himself off from the pack, which worries me. Helpless from this many miles away, I try to maintain the connections, express the love and care, and hope for the best. Then comes a day when the mean reds grab hold and just will not let go.

I’m thinking I really need a visit to my Tiffany’s…the place where nothing bad can happen to me or mine.